This is how mental health works.
I just puked my guts out so I finally got the nerve to point out an idea that made more sense, as I can't take all the necessities for a job app with me considering most of it is on my computer and I don't have a printer...
Here is an idea. It is just me making sure my applications are done right. why not just do it over a phone call. It is easy, everything I need is right here and it isn't like I don't have a BASIC understanding of it(which apparently just isn't enough for most managers), I know how to write and read and how to put things in little boxes. my problem is not knowing relevancy and to be honest it bothers me that she is telling me to omit(which to be honest can get you fired if you do get hired) so that bothers me. now because she has the fancy title and helping people get hired is kinda her profession I am gonna listen to her but people can always find the truth here.
when you have a diagnosis people change their story and then say you only THINK they changed their story.
needless to say, this gets old fast.
If any normal person hears a crazy sounding woman in the corner using their phone to stalk this poor person who knows their ex boyfriend talking about crazy shit, having him killed, and all this fun stuff, and are basically stalking them and admitting it... you wouldn't wanna go near them either. this actually happened at one point. in all honesty... I wanted to stand their and wait for crisis to come and get her. I have seen people die and I know people exist(even crazy ones) who really CAN make that phone call, regardless of wreather she can or not, I am not going to just blow her off and laugh like the secretary did. they apparently were completely undisturbed by this. they just kept on miming about how she was tweaking... and this other person kept on listening in too. after talking about all this violent stuff she came up and asked for a pen... hell no.
to me, this is logic. if a crazy person is talking about violence, saying intent, talking about STALKING... you stay the hell away from them... and you DON'T give them potentially deadly but typically harmless objects like pens. hey, once you see someone stab holes in their skin with a pencil or pen your not so adept at trusting crazy people with them... especially if you know how that can be used in what they are talking about.
so you know what the secretary says when I don't have ANY desire to walk out the door this lady is right by, "now don't get paranoid on us" not even the epic face-palm is enough to express the crap in that.
first off, I have anxiety and ptsd. I have been stalked and one stalker even progressed to a rapist(in my teen years). I have seen people die and watched my grandmother make phone calls about such many many times so lets be clear. while I think my grandmother was crazy, she is the one who showed me just to what extent this world is genuinely fucked up.
I have no desire to go near ANY person who is spouting off that crap, crazy or not.
I jump when the phone rings and I am not paying attention. I mean... come ON. the last thing I need is one more thing to have nightmares about... -_-
so yeah, the mental health site is generally full of people looking for problems with you and taking so thought that you may have some logical thought process.
with all due respect that secretary wasn't listening to this chick. I don't CARE if logically I know the people at the clinic SHOULD protect me. this new place doesn't quite understand that BECAUSE of the of all the harm done to me by such, they ARE much of what haunts my nightmares and the cause of much of it. maybe not this site... but the last one curtainly didn't help....contrary to what they MAY have done for others... I have actually seen the damage they can do in others and not just myself. I have lived through many horrible things that can happen and have heard stories that made me thankful it WASN'T my own experience. so yeah, I get upset when some jerk thinks just cuz things have happened to me and they don't want "think" it did, that it must mean I am nuts or "psycho". news flash. that isn't part of my diagnosis or my symptoms.
that is honestly the biggest reason why I can't stand this crap. I met someone some years ago whose story was so horrifying I would have RATHER had my own and I think anyone who reads this knows that is pretty bad to most. seeing how most take my story... it makes me sad and rather angry with how society works. this person was kind and SANE and just like most... just... she had to live with the fear of talking about it.
now, first time I was on the phone today it was said " she isn't picking up would you like her voice-mail?"
of course I said"yes, and then later I will call back"
"she isn't picking up would you like her voicmail?"
and so I repeated myself.
she says... "sorry I can't hear you."
I repeated myself again and... click. she hung up on me.
now I got a hold of her this time and apparently when someone is sick they are expected to not work hard anyway. I don't have a choice. I get sick easily, quickly, and frequently. for the Denny's app probably not the best thing for me to be up front... I could easily just wash the dishes and keep my hands clean, even wear a face mask when sick. I am not the type to let a little thing like puking stop me... OK, if I am in the middle of puking that might stop me just a bit as I would need to go do so safely where it can do no damage to their business by being seen, as most will assume the restaurant made you sick or that you will get them sick. I would be perfectly content kept in the back working hard and not having to deal with such. besides that, my ability to keep from getting sick is crap. the more I am interacting with customers the more I am getting sick. now since I have two kids this may be a moot point to some degree but... the point being while I can general not get as sick as I have been with the puking and whatnot... I do my best work away from a customers opinion. I LIKE to stay out of site, out of mind, and quietly do my job as efficiently as possible.
that may make me weird... I mean everyone that has figured that out scolds me for being shy and makes sure i know their opinions on that... but I don't mind it in the least. things still get done and life moves on.
the only thing is, while I may be able to work out the kinks... Wednesdays are bad for me in the mornings. the open availability clause... I am fully open to working nights, weekends, and all that but... yeah. I am willing to schedule doctors appointments on days off(like normal people do) unless i have no choice... and to be honest I usually just take care of it at home. I am able to tell if it gets bad enough to need a doctor. their are times it comes pretty close actually... but since this seems some sort of stomach flu(second time this year), as long as it passes in due time(their really isn't much a doctor can do for it)... I think flat soda and a few crackers should do just fine. the flu comes and goes and their is really nothing a doctor can do accept tell you that and recommend over the counter "relief" that does less than a hot cup of tea... so really it is no big deal.
being social isn't something I consider to be the most important thing about work really... though I am sure others will disagree. The other job, the car wash I got done too.
with all due respect I would just wear a mask and pray I didn't get that sick. the mask is to keep others from getting sick... not for me. for me I just pay close attention to my body and get plenty of vitamin c... and pray it helps. generally it does. and trust me... I get sick enough to notice the difference.
it doesn't help that I have allergies too... so some think I have a cold when it is just that and all that jazz. to be honest what really sucks is having both at once... most of my allergies are sinus.
so yeah... I got them filled out.
I will take them in tomorrow.
for now, I gotta make sure I am as well as possible for this. I will not facilitate myself being so sick... which means I have to take care of my body so it can handle it. I am not some frail doll on a shelf. I refuse to be. Neither will I run myself raged as I used to(though at times it will probably look it)... on purpose anyway(hey, I am leaving this open-you truly never know what will happen).
I role with the punches and do what I need to do in life. I don't like being sick but since that kinda happens a lot... why should I let that rule my life? I know how to be safe about this... I spent years doing it and I gotta say.. the hand washing only works for keeping others from getting sick. theirs a joke that I get sick when someone coughs 5 miles away... yeah, my husband cracked that one lots.
Mostly I minimize stress to help that and it generally works... but current circumstances dont' exactly allow for that to the degree that I usually would. lucky for an employer work has the opposite effect of what you would expect. work is my DE-stress-or.
ug... anyway... I am gonna go now. if this is too much information I will have to check with somebody else as one of my greatest skills in life ISN'T knowing that.
and later I can fill out my other application... as soon as the web browser it requires finishes downloading... weird applications that require internet explorer...
laters
-luna
I just puked my guts out so I finally got the nerve to point out an idea that made more sense, as I can't take all the necessities for a job app with me considering most of it is on my computer and I don't have a printer...
Here is an idea. It is just me making sure my applications are done right. why not just do it over a phone call. It is easy, everything I need is right here and it isn't like I don't have a BASIC understanding of it(which apparently just isn't enough for most managers), I know how to write and read and how to put things in little boxes. my problem is not knowing relevancy and to be honest it bothers me that she is telling me to omit(which to be honest can get you fired if you do get hired) so that bothers me. now because she has the fancy title and helping people get hired is kinda her profession I am gonna listen to her but people can always find the truth here.
when you have a diagnosis people change their story and then say you only THINK they changed their story.
needless to say, this gets old fast.
If any normal person hears a crazy sounding woman in the corner using their phone to stalk this poor person who knows their ex boyfriend talking about crazy shit, having him killed, and all this fun stuff, and are basically stalking them and admitting it... you wouldn't wanna go near them either. this actually happened at one point. in all honesty... I wanted to stand their and wait for crisis to come and get her. I have seen people die and I know people exist(even crazy ones) who really CAN make that phone call, regardless of wreather she can or not, I am not going to just blow her off and laugh like the secretary did. they apparently were completely undisturbed by this. they just kept on miming about how she was tweaking... and this other person kept on listening in too. after talking about all this violent stuff she came up and asked for a pen... hell no.
to me, this is logic. if a crazy person is talking about violence, saying intent, talking about STALKING... you stay the hell away from them... and you DON'T give them potentially deadly but typically harmless objects like pens. hey, once you see someone stab holes in their skin with a pencil or pen your not so adept at trusting crazy people with them... especially if you know how that can be used in what they are talking about.
so you know what the secretary says when I don't have ANY desire to walk out the door this lady is right by, "now don't get paranoid on us" not even the epic face-palm is enough to express the crap in that.
first off, I have anxiety and ptsd. I have been stalked and one stalker even progressed to a rapist(in my teen years). I have seen people die and watched my grandmother make phone calls about such many many times so lets be clear. while I think my grandmother was crazy, she is the one who showed me just to what extent this world is genuinely fucked up.
I have no desire to go near ANY person who is spouting off that crap, crazy or not.
I jump when the phone rings and I am not paying attention. I mean... come ON. the last thing I need is one more thing to have nightmares about... -_-
so yeah, the mental health site is generally full of people looking for problems with you and taking so thought that you may have some logical thought process.
with all due respect that secretary wasn't listening to this chick. I don't CARE if logically I know the people at the clinic SHOULD protect me. this new place doesn't quite understand that BECAUSE of the of all the harm done to me by such, they ARE much of what haunts my nightmares and the cause of much of it. maybe not this site... but the last one curtainly didn't help....contrary to what they MAY have done for others... I have actually seen the damage they can do in others and not just myself. I have lived through many horrible things that can happen and have heard stories that made me thankful it WASN'T my own experience. so yeah, I get upset when some jerk thinks just cuz things have happened to me and they don't want "think" it did, that it must mean I am nuts or "psycho". news flash. that isn't part of my diagnosis or my symptoms.
that is honestly the biggest reason why I can't stand this crap. I met someone some years ago whose story was so horrifying I would have RATHER had my own and I think anyone who reads this knows that is pretty bad to most. seeing how most take my story... it makes me sad and rather angry with how society works. this person was kind and SANE and just like most... just... she had to live with the fear of talking about it.
now, first time I was on the phone today it was said " she isn't picking up would you like her voice-mail?"
of course I said"yes, and then later I will call back"
"she isn't picking up would you like her voicmail?"
and so I repeated myself.
she says... "sorry I can't hear you."
I repeated myself again and... click. she hung up on me.
now I got a hold of her this time and apparently when someone is sick they are expected to not work hard anyway. I don't have a choice. I get sick easily, quickly, and frequently. for the Denny's app probably not the best thing for me to be up front... I could easily just wash the dishes and keep my hands clean, even wear a face mask when sick. I am not the type to let a little thing like puking stop me... OK, if I am in the middle of puking that might stop me just a bit as I would need to go do so safely where it can do no damage to their business by being seen, as most will assume the restaurant made you sick or that you will get them sick. I would be perfectly content kept in the back working hard and not having to deal with such. besides that, my ability to keep from getting sick is crap. the more I am interacting with customers the more I am getting sick. now since I have two kids this may be a moot point to some degree but... the point being while I can general not get as sick as I have been with the puking and whatnot... I do my best work away from a customers opinion. I LIKE to stay out of site, out of mind, and quietly do my job as efficiently as possible.
that may make me weird... I mean everyone that has figured that out scolds me for being shy and makes sure i know their opinions on that... but I don't mind it in the least. things still get done and life moves on.
the only thing is, while I may be able to work out the kinks... Wednesdays are bad for me in the mornings. the open availability clause... I am fully open to working nights, weekends, and all that but... yeah. I am willing to schedule doctors appointments on days off(like normal people do) unless i have no choice... and to be honest I usually just take care of it at home. I am able to tell if it gets bad enough to need a doctor. their are times it comes pretty close actually... but since this seems some sort of stomach flu(second time this year), as long as it passes in due time(their really isn't much a doctor can do for it)... I think flat soda and a few crackers should do just fine. the flu comes and goes and their is really nothing a doctor can do accept tell you that and recommend over the counter "relief" that does less than a hot cup of tea... so really it is no big deal.
being social isn't something I consider to be the most important thing about work really... though I am sure others will disagree. The other job, the car wash I got done too.
with all due respect I would just wear a mask and pray I didn't get that sick. the mask is to keep others from getting sick... not for me. for me I just pay close attention to my body and get plenty of vitamin c... and pray it helps. generally it does. and trust me... I get sick enough to notice the difference.
it doesn't help that I have allergies too... so some think I have a cold when it is just that and all that jazz. to be honest what really sucks is having both at once... most of my allergies are sinus.
so yeah... I got them filled out.
I will take them in tomorrow.
for now, I gotta make sure I am as well as possible for this. I will not facilitate myself being so sick... which means I have to take care of my body so it can handle it. I am not some frail doll on a shelf. I refuse to be. Neither will I run myself raged as I used to(though at times it will probably look it)... on purpose anyway(hey, I am leaving this open-you truly never know what will happen).
I role with the punches and do what I need to do in life. I don't like being sick but since that kinda happens a lot... why should I let that rule my life? I know how to be safe about this... I spent years doing it and I gotta say.. the hand washing only works for keeping others from getting sick. theirs a joke that I get sick when someone coughs 5 miles away... yeah, my husband cracked that one lots.
Mostly I minimize stress to help that and it generally works... but current circumstances dont' exactly allow for that to the degree that I usually would. lucky for an employer work has the opposite effect of what you would expect. work is my DE-stress-or.
ug... anyway... I am gonna go now. if this is too much information I will have to check with somebody else as one of my greatest skills in life ISN'T knowing that.
and later I can fill out my other application... as soon as the web browser it requires finishes downloading... weird applications that require internet explorer...
laters
-luna
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