Wednesday, February 29, 2012



today I had to call the managers, sell more stuff for electric(at this point their really isn't much left I can sell... well that can be carried anyway), and almost resorted to selling my engagement ring... my engagement ring isn't worth very much. -_- pretty much all it's value is to me. My husband broke his wedding band at one point(I have no idea HOW he did it but he did) and I tried to figure out how his excuse could be valid... I mean he had said it just "fell apart"...-.- .... I tried and tried to find evidence of such, and in the end I stuck with his story... I had no desire to figure out how or why he could possibly do such, so I pretended I wasn't really thinking of all the times I found that ring in the garbage disposal while cleaning it, in the littler box while scooping it, and other such places.... thank goodness it never found it's way into the dirty diapers. the point is... well actually the original subject had absolutely nothing to do with my husbands ring whatsoever.

It does however, make me feel like I should be less sentimental about the rings. My wedding band and my engagement ring are not valuable pieces of jewelry... in fact I had to buy our wedding bands... the engagement ring was a little over 30$... it was all cheep. he did at least buy the engagement ring. it was the only piece of jewelry he ever bought me. I feel infinetally stupid for being relived it is worthless to anyone else. I didn't want to get rid of it. I am not ready... I don't think I ever will be at this point.

So I about started crying on the bus... on top of everything and the rescheduling of something important that was to be today... on top of everything going on and everything that I am dealing with... even being asked to do something I am ashamed to admit I can't do... not without harm to myself and that is... it is not easy to deal with the failure I feel over such. how weak must I be? apparently, infinetally.

so yeah... I am pathetic. I can't even get rid of the rings. I am GLAD they were worthless pieces of crap.

I did however realize something most guys with wives dont' seem to. the jewelry is an investment. giving it to the woman means you trust her... because when times get tough... people like me who don't have anything of value... well we are screwed. worst comes to worst, you can sell a good piece of jewelry.

my grandfather makes jewelry. growing up I learned how, though I lack the materials and equipment as of current. lapidary work is pretty fun actually. never learn how to do the diamond type cuts though... he didn't even learn that till a couple years ago. But hey, I know my bead work and he doesn't... so it's a trade off.

I have considered even walking into some sort of college and saying "If I can show you I know what I am talking about, will you give me work pertaining to this?" see... while sewing just seems something like walking... bike riding... sleeping(basically it is something I never give any real thought about it being a skill and don't generally have any idea why being able to sew a zipper on is a big deal or knowing how to alter and make my own patterns... to me it is no sweat so... it kinda ends up surprising me... why shouldn't I know these things?)... I do not think knowing how to shape a stone or polish it just the right way... or how to melt silver into a mold or how to take various pieces and sauter them with the delicate little pieces of silver(about to spell a word wrong) sauter(the first time I did this I messed up BIG time, I thought it was like arch welding)... -_-... wire wrap is also enjoyable... though I have no idea how many know it... beading seems a pretty common skill too. knowing how to take care of the machines and work the diamond saw is also something I am not sure if many know.

I have always been a person to know how to do many things. I get curious and ask questions... I end up wanting to try something for myself... though knitting never worked out for me... croqueting I stick with the pearl stitch... the stuff with yarn ends badly if you have a flashback and don't just know it that well... basically I lose patience after the first few times I have to redo so much. I stick with pearl stitch because that one I can just let myself fall into my little spacing moments and know I will just automatically keep going.

Cooking... I know not everyone can but I pretty much don't really see it as a skill. My mom couldn't cook a can of beans without burning it... we lived. I bet loads of people can make bread without a bread maker, create and memorize recipes... decorate cakes, make yummy goodies in the oven and yummy homemade meals... to me, this isn't something I consider huge. I am aware others can't cook... I just consider it something I can do and like doing. Slow cooking is one of my favorite past-times besides baking.(all of it is actually), but... how is that important?

I can trim a palm tree, lay the tile in a home... even grout the place(my fav pair of jeans of the time got ruined doing that one-ironically the same person who taught me how to sew... refused to teach me anything to do with electric wiring though-lol, she generally works with habitat for humanity when she is down so her skills are put to good use-I am glad she taught me).. I can paint a room... perform minor repairs(just don't ask me to go anywhere dark or containing spiders-your eardrums will not like the results-I had to be girly in something didn't I?)... maintain a sprinkler system(some of this-like this part-was picked up in ffa in high school-I took nursery management every year), perform upkeep on a greenhouse and all it's aspects... the list of things I can do is pretty long... but I don't see how that helps me get a job.

I learned these things because I wanted to, not because I was planning some great scheme of job finding for the future. how is knowing how to cut pbc or use a power saw... or a drill... well how is knowing these thigns going to get me a job?

I have these things I can do and I am only beginning to realize that to others... some of these things are a big deal. To me... they are things I learned just because I loved learning them... and many times I enjoyed doing them as well. I enjoyed the potting shed(actually that was my favorite sides greenhouse-at one point I ended up caring for a fish tank they had as well- *dreamy sigh*... about had a heart attack when they said "OMG! someone found pot in the greenhouse!"-it had started growing as a weed... OMFG!- and in the greenhouse my entomology was actually applicable knowledge... I enjoyed it when people asked me stuff... and I got to identify some stuff and if I wanted to double check and make sure it was right I was fine to do so, and I got to work with plants and nature of some sort... it was the closest I could get in the city. I am nature nerd!)... ah... need to shut up.

the point being...

how does this apply to anything?


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