Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Mute job hunt

I left today originally intending to head to the store while job hunting. Plans changed.

For those who don't know, from 46th ave and Bethany(the store I was at asking), I was directed to a store she said was understaffed... circle k. it wasn't a circle k and by the time I got their I was sore, and kinda irritated at being lied to. I am just going to go with "she made an honest mistake" and go on with my day. I walked from 46th ave, and Bethany to 51st and Bethany, then to 51st and Glendale where she had said the store was. No circle k, but an exon.

So... I figured, I was their, I needed a job... and hadn't been to that area lots yet so... why not keep going?

I did. I walked along Glendale all the way up to 43rd. then I walked back down on the other side. all this way I was stopping at places to ask. I think I missed a few places so I will save them for next time.

It is hard to job hunt while you can't speak. I was unprepared. I am so not used to this. I took sign language years ago to study the body language. I never really excelled at it but I know enough to get by. I was taking Spanish online before... and I can understand tiny bits and pieces, just enough to get the gist.

Their was this one place I stopped at, asked if they were hiring. Most people assume that if you can't speak you can't hear... on guy asked me for quarters and I tried to tell him  I didn't have any and then ask if he knew anyone who was hiring for work. He told me he didn't have any money then backed away like I was a leper and held his hands to himself like he could catch whatever I have. My vocal cords are not working due to an incident. You can't catch that. I sometimes manage to make small sounds and I can whisper very softly, I managed louder for awhile earlier... but it kinda fades the more I do it. so far I can get it to whisper level. after two days that was as good as it got... But like everything else in life, you have to keep going and live past it, not because of it, and live with it, not against it.

I can't talk. I can hear, I can see, and their are other ways to communicate. I can do this... it is just going to take some adjusting. I will admit though, I am still hoping it is temporary. I miss singing to my kids and being able to speak what I need. I never had to remember a pen and paper to communicate with before.

Some notable stops for me(besides the guy who acted like being mute was some sort or contagion, I honestly don't think I will ever forget that one), were this liquor store where because I can't write Spanish the owner and manager assumed I wouldn't get the gist. I got it. essentially "your the manager, you tell her no!" the man was too sweet, he told me to come back on Monday. I don't want pity for not being able to speak but I was kinda touched he had too much heart to tell me the truth. I know enough Spanish to know he didn't want to tell me no, and enough to know... well... the basic understanding of what was being said. Happens more and more.

I don't have a TTY but I know what one is and I know the gist of it... I don't have one. I took ASL for almost 3 years in high school but while I found it fascinating to be able to communicate with others I may not have been able to before... I was much more interested in essentially dissecting sign language and studying it. I admit it... the languages intone to body language was fascinating and at the time... that was something I needed to learn. I am as of now, glad I took it for another reason, though I need to brush up on it. I am rusty.

It isn't easy job searching while unable to speak, that is for sure. On the bright side, I got a lead for an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor but it was getting late and no offense... I needed to come back or I was afraid I would be pushing myself to much. On the bright side I am in a good enough place physically that I will clear myself to go to a dojo and see if they are willing to train me as a karate assistant. I don't look like much and in all honesty I am way outta practice(I was very little... so er... other than practicing on my own and dreaming of formal-non daddy-instruction was really all I had, building off what I knew and pushing onwards)... but... I know I can do it. I know it won't be easy. I am severely out of practice, and today's escapades show me new areas and old both that I need to work on muscle wise.

It was annoying and irksome not being able to talk. Their were some who showed only a passing interest and no effort to understand me, and some who I was glad they did make that effort. the ones who made the effort were the ones I was enormously grateful to. Those were the ones I felt like that was enough, even if they weren't hiring, they didn't have applications, and even if they were the nicest or the bitchiest person alive, I was just glad someone understood what I was trying to say. Apparently the sign for "work" is not widely known... "are you hiring for work?" is apparently not easy to get across. some people tried and then got paper and some didn't, I was immensely grateful to the ones who tried. their were some who just looked at me like I was nuts. -__-

Ironically(if you know the punk stereo types that is, I just never gave a crap what people did for a living), some of the nicest people work in tattoo parlors. this one even wrote me instructions. No offense to anyone else, and maybe it was just the one person but, I have never flat out been snubbed at a tattoo parlor, no noses were held high and while that didn't really happen today(OK, it did once or twice but not a lot and not as bad as usual, could have been worse and the noses could have been held high, just saying.. for now I am just going to say they held their heads with pride, most were not like that but their is always someone), I must admit. I like art, I like drawing on people... I am terrified of any needle coming towards my own skin... sounds good to me. I would have blast. I really do love art. I am in art school, but not for tattooing... not for painting either, and sorry, water colors have always been my worst medium for those who have seen my work on you-tube or on here(I don't have lots of it but be my guest to look). Could you imagine that one at career day as the kids get older? I can... "My mommy gets paid to draw on people and find little kids who are far away from home", hehehe, I admit it, I was in dream land while I walked, "what if" land... you know, dreams of the future. But with me, I plan to join a dojo either way... hm... "my mommy gets paid to teach discipline and how to handle bullies" so OK, not going to encourage my kids to beat the snot outta bullies but... I admit to taking out my fair share in my younger days... my brother was scrawny and they didn't quite get the picture of not bullying him. I don't advocate violence but neither do I advocate laying down and taking it either... sometimes though diplomacy is best. just saying... when it wasn't... it was what I needed to do to keep my brother safe and I did it. I didn't like it, and I never will... though I do enjoy the  art itself... I am a pacifist and have always hated violence. I just never hesitated when it meant my family would suffer if I did. self defense only.

I would enjoy that job immensely... as well as working more than one. I think doing something you can enjoy helps that cuz then your not "really" working. Still, no job is more enjoyable than being a mom. I can be honest, especially as when I look at people I start imagining artwork... I myself have had enough food on me(kids) to visualize Picasso pieces on my skin... yep.... I got yelled at for drawing on my jeans growing up. I never did it again after that punishment that followed but... so too did my family make sure I had plenty of paper. I hand sew, so I can tell you it is only needles towards me that terrify me(ironic as one day I want my own tattoo... shit.. this may not end well if they require it).

One day, actually, I want my own little holistic shop and I want to help give lost or missing kids faces, yep, that is what I am in art school to do. I wouldn't be adverse to doing tattooing on the side at that point but... rather than give up my dreams I think I will just add more to it. I have always had "impossible" dreams. that just makes it all the more funny to see peoples faces when you prove it isn't so impossible after all. I do enjoy animation and I do enjoy game design but... my job is humanitarian oriented for my goals in the future. Don't get me wrong, I would take it if I got any job at this point(well almost, I refuse to work as a hooker, with all due respect, I would dance naked on a table before I would do that... and at that point I would have to be pretty desperate, I am also stage fright with dancing, the lack of clothing wouldn't help either as I am textbook shy bookworm not the type to flash anyone... I still have my "prude stamp"). that reminds me... I was walking and a school bus pulled up... my shirt flew up. I did that scream reflex thingy or embarrassed/mortified/"omg, I hope nobody saw me"... yeah, no. No such luck. I hope nobody saw it but... some older kiddos got off the bus... probably 8th grade or high school... so... I am gonna go hide my face for awhile... oh the wind hated me in high school too. I wore skirts... you know, I could so write a manga or a short story, or maybe just a book about a character with that problem. it seemed like every time I turned around, if I wore a skirt, it was lifted... -__-, and of course I didn't notice. to have to be told by your friends that the wind keeps flashing your body to the world... at least if YOU notice you can duck low and say "well, I hope nobody saw that" and pray they didn't, I had no hope... so I started wearing jeans and shirts that couldn't do that. I wore this shirt while pregnant... it was too loose...T.T... now I will slink away and hope nobody saw that.

feel free to laugh, here is my joke, "the wind is a pervert"...... lol


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