Monday, February 6, 2012

a doozy

so.... my husband and I had actual civil conversation today. he told me how much "chance" he had to get layed and I just shrugged. then we covered the very very... erm... well you judge this statement.

"Unless it comes right from me, don't believe it"

we were talking about the crap he does and says that has gotten back to me... too much collab for it to be all lies.

Just because I was foolish enough to fall for him, doesn't mean I am stupid enough to fall for his old tricks.

controlling... isolating... not happening again. nu uh! not this time... besides he is the one who wants to speed up the divorce over taxes. .........................  anyone who knows me knows that such a silly reason only lowers my opinion of the individual.

Of course he also made sure to insinuate my lack of attractiveness and was irritated when I told him I passed up opportunity to have a physically intimate relationship. so... someone who was a friend found me attractive... I may not agree with my attractiveness but I know better than to listen to him.

*shakes head* I just kinda ignored most of his comments in favor of trying to learn to stand within 5 feet without flinching(yeah no dice so far, the flinching still occurs) or getting trapped in what he did, stupid ptsd.

apparently he doesn't think I have the right to have such issues.

here is the type of person I used to be... hide the abuse. here is the type of person I am now... lets put it on display and talk about it because in all honesty, my mouth being shut did absolutely not frigging good!

I suppose pressing charges kinda drives a wedge in a males tolerance of being near you and being nice.

and yet here I am going out of my way to make sure he is in the loop about the kids... somehow I am not impressed with his maturity level dealing with this. not really impressed with mine either but hey... no skeletons in my closet, they are on display. bad pun lol

so yeah... I wonder what he will have the expression of when he finds out I learned from what he told me once. this ain't going away after a year. that dv will stay on his record. it was my evil act of the day, my intent to avoid this in the future for some poor woman. next time it is on his record and he won't get the same punishment again. yep... I was stuttering and whatnot but... well... if you go look at public record you will find out what I am talkign about I am sure. I doubt that was a lie... more of a confession.

well laters, I gotta work on school work(finish it up). laters!


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