Thursday, February 23, 2012


most of my path would probably ignore a personal like I was responding too... look for the response listed as from Aurora Campbell. I actually use that profile for my at... though I have considered just having it as a private one... why not? others can have profiles for their dogs or have 2-10 profiles(though I personally think that would be too much trouble be) so if I get in trouble for this... they would have to seriously re evaluate how they do things... Facebook created many sitchuations in it that make many feel as such is necessary... but it is of course your faults for walking into it.

anyway... the link to this story originally commented on is here-  and the profile of the on who originally commented is here - if you feel the need to find the original comments and whatnot all the information is in this post to find it.

my last comment on his little thing was too long to be kept in one comment box thing... to understand everything said you would need to read the article, read his comments(and my past ones on this) and listen(so no hard feelings if you don't understand)... so here it is.


my mind is under no spells or witchcraft... UG! it feels demeaning to even respond to such claims... insulting. My mind is my own and ONLY my own.

second... you still make absolutely NO SENSE! listen to yourself!

and didn't you pay attention? such things where rape and such other things that make religion anothers issue... such things that force it on others, such things that use it to harm others, those I care what they do as they can effect others ability to live as they are. as I stated, my father was killed over religion. he followed an actual religion covered by the us constitution-though I am not sure if it was at t he time, and was killed by people saying they were christian. instances where others make their beliefs a problem of others(but they don't see it that way ironically) are the ones I hold issue with in general. not religions themselves, not entire groups(though the way they give such evil people power is why I prefer to avoid organizations or groups-as far as I know this is a common thing in my religion too as well as why their is a limit on a covens size and has been for a long time-because people cannot handle power without it becoming something they abuse and want more of or simply that they get caught up in the schemes of others).

 I have a religion and rape isn't part of it accept as a horrible crime that violates the sanctity that is believed is sex. in my religion sex is not simply a bodily done act but paramount to sharing part of yourself in spirit as well. it is an act of trust in it's ultimate form and is not to be done lightly. those who do, do so knowing they share part of themselves so freely. I do not. to me... rape is more than just an attack on your body. every fiber of a woman's being must remember such for the rest of their lives... perhaps even part of them will remember into their next life too(I believe in reincarnation-as an attack on all things this includes your spirit for lack of a better generalized term and thus... such things are often taken with you as memories in our soul however this is a religious belief not a scientifically proven fact but I also think both religion and science are needed in this world...).

 to have a heart and mind but a body that somehow combines both... is truly a wonder of creation and the harmony of such is my personal goal for myself. others can choose my path or follow another. to follow a path not of your own choosing is to live an unwhole life so... as long as it doesn't hurt anyone... I don't really care what anyone does.

 as for rape... I have never believed it a simple assault merely JUST on the body. your mind has to know those moments for the rest of your life. your heart has to know betrayal and fear on a deep level-knowing what is happening and knowing you are powerless to stop it. even if your body heals over and holds no remaining marks, you never forget... though that is a bit harder to explain. for me, my body did not forget and thus being intimate with my own husband was difficult before he himself took that path... I must admit though, when you know them and trust the one who performs such an act... the betrayal runs deeper. their were times I wondered before why someone never heard me-even irrationally felt betrayed by those never close enough to do anything or even know accept years later when told, and that... is what I had to deal with. But for me that was not all.

 A close friend of mine who called herself "mema" to my children and had essentially been an integrated part of my family listened to what was doesn't by my husband and had the gall to make excuses every single time I asked her "then why didn't you call for help?" rape in of itself is about power and anger, not love. it is an act of hate... people who love you don't do that. family doesn't leave you alone after such things and someone so close to you who cares doesn't sit in the next room and let you suffer knowing what is happening and letting it happen TO you... while doing nothing... I bet her cell phone had been either in her hand or by her leg too... their was no excuse..

my husband who had gone through a hand-fasting with me-which for us we did "eternity" rather than "this life" took his need for control, his anger, his hatred an placed it against me who also pledged to stand by his side... that is betrayal of the worst kind... and why what he tried after had no value in surprise... I simply left before he could do anything else... the nature of religion is more important to the individual than the one doing such. He broke his vows... think of these women from the armed forces. they train with these men, learn to trust them as comrades... would probably take a bullet for many of them in many cases... the trust required for a cooperation and productivity on the battlefield is paramount... can you honestly say any one person or group could hold the evil it would take to sway the human heart so? I do not believe thus and thus I say it isn't. these men merely proved their weakness by not choosing to be honorable... because those women survived it... now they must listen to horrible retched things like what this woman says... even your own family is capable of turning against you after such an act.

you have no understanding of what rape entales in it's entirety.


I didn't bother to even correct any word switches or spelling errors as I noticed them before I reposted here. this is exactly as it was on the site.

to clarify my last statement. those who suffer rape often suffer their own families persecution directly afterwards. many simply suffer form a lack of support. some sit through "you should be grateful we are so supportive, many others don't have that", if you can't tell... I have sat through much of this and hear of what I have not been through myself on those things. for a woman who has been raped each and every single one of those things does serious damage emotionally.

for me... a family member who previously returned my calls and was on a civil basis with me(although barely we had just crossed a line where things were not awkward and tense), has stopped holding contact as they once did... and the fact he LIKED my husband still hangs in my mind... the fact he said after that he liked him... never said a word about what he did... I hate it. It hurts. It doesn't help that I grew up knowing my grandfather had favored my mother and as such I often wondered if that was the only reason he was ever kind to me. his wife was not kind to me... though she would display such for others. I have always treasured those instances of freedom... those treasured moments... but I have always wondered if he too-only saw Carolynn's(my mother's) face when he looked at me. now... he can't even look at said face... but if asked... well lets just say because he has lied in the past... I don't ask because I know I won't believe his answer. he has lied and struck the cords of betrayal in my heart... I will never again believe the empty words that come from his mouth ever again. he never once raised his hand to me... yet his denial of her(his wife) ever doing such... his denial... did more damage than her telling me "you did this to yourself" and sometimes even saying "I didn't touch you"... the list goes on. I grew up around such denial... so sometimes my scars, even the faint ones, serve as my only sanity when I face that past... but I try because I still love this family member and wish them no ill will... somehow you would think it would make things easier but it doesn't. it only makes it that much more difficult.

even more difficult to deal with is how I still love my husband. I will never again trust him and I will not go back to him after thus... and he didn't just do so once so I can't even use that excuse... once was too much... let alone the other times. you kinda have to get over the shock of what is happening first...

it gets even better... the woman who listened and did nothing was also the woman who performed the ceremony to bind us religiously(she had lost her paperwork so we did a court house thing first to legalize it)... and I trusted him, we spent months talking about the weight of "for this life" or "for eternity"... and I found out later our little miss high priestess performed a crime of her own. your not supposed to binf two people together when you know it won't work... yet after the fact she told me she had already known and yet still performed the ceremony and bound us thus... to me... it made me struggle with even my own path. even in only name... we share the same path... so it made me wonder if following the teachings and holding them close to my heart was so wrong. In the end you must understand that my path itself that I follow is not what I doubted... I doubted those who claim to walk it with me.

the struggles of life.. nobody said they were easy... but perhaps someone will understand the complete weight of my vow to hold sex and such romantic relationships away from myself... to not get involved.

pay attention to what sex IS to me... what is means to do such.

once you figure it out I guarantee you will understand... this vow was not made lightly and in fact... was made very carefully. I never saw sex as "just" a "fun" activity as many do... never saw it in a frivolous light... but... if you consider what I have... sex and romance are not the only things I swore off, I gave up something that their really ARE those in my own religion... who will look down on me for doing so. I guarantee it.


No comments:

Post a Comment