Wednesday, March 7, 2012

seperating vitims and abusers-DV

 This rose was done while I was still in school as a teen. While I have improved I like roses and to be honest... not bad for the age and skill level I was at at the time.
OK, one big problem solved. If I had known that they offered separate classes for "victims" and "abusers" I would have been done with this ages ago... before it was even asked actually. I was looking up stuff to help me be informed on how to avoid being abused(and subsequently my kids being near or involved by) and that was back in MAY that I started looking(when I got my husband out I started looking up things and implementing old techniques I learned in therapy). When told I wasn't allowed to do the class online I was horrified. So much as picking up the phone had me frozen in place and it was frustrating. When i had looked on my own the only thing I could find was for abusers and COUPLES. When asked to take it to "help" me break the cycle of being a victim I was horrified. I was emidietally freaking out and making clear what I was worried about... even only whispered to my lawyer at the time. After being abused I would have to sit in a room with those who had perpetrated similar(and in some cases worse) than my husband did? I now have been told this is not the case. I have to specifically ASK about the "victims" class... apparently places separate the victims and the abusers. After going to therapy where the counselors goal was to have you "forgive" your rapist and have you able to casually converse with them and be in the same room with them(my goal was just to be more functional in daily life without about jumping out of my own skin... with all due respect-nothing short of re doing everything in self defense from the ground up as if I had never learned it will help me with anything related to that-you lose your confidence in your abilities when your arms are too weak to push someone off of you)... trust me, I can assure you people do some pretty whacked stuff and this would not have been such a strange concept. To be honest... I think anyone would have issue with that... not just me. So I have been trying to figure out coping mechanisms for a situation that I should have been told-didn't exist. Now I know. OK, simple solutions now exist. On thing though... I hate the term "victim" for this... because the moment I decided to not put up with the abuse... I ceased being his victim. I have even managed to stand up to him a couple of times now too. The point being... I chose to stop being the victim. I chose to look up information to avoid it in the future. I did not chose a sit in class but if I had known they separated the victims and the abusers to begin with... This would have been done and over with back in May instead of someone asking it of me. I actually did find some good tips online. I also found some duds. And now I am getting help finding employment with this program... so I hope to be properly on my feet soon enough. I must say though... it would have been really nice if someone had told me about that and had put my freaking out at ease. I mean really? several people who should have been able to tell me that didn't. Makes you wonder. :/ 

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