Friday, March 9, 2012

womens rights-dv classes for vitims-whatever else I add in

now lets review- this is my response.

It is true. while some use this to take advantage the gap still exists in places it shouldn't. also, if you count "vacation" or "sick time" into seniority, you should also count maternity leave or 1-2 years into the child's life if that is your choice, that means a better future in a more healthy child in MANY cases. Since it also is about six months to a year before(according to the doctor who delivered my children) the hormones leave their bodies completely and allow for things to be normal again hormone wise... it would be an investment for better employees and a better future all around. families would be more bonded and you could even have them do things from home during this time and offer them pay for it so it wouldn't hurt anyone. Am I the only one who sees this as a viable solution?   It is a way to let women be their gender without suppression.

Here is my view. the feminists irk me with their anti "weakness" for females, and their inconsideration for how their views effect little boys as well. The males who think women are just for sex and whatnot piss me off because they are just dick-holes(nobody tell my kids mommy has been name calling-I don't want them to become like this).

Here is the deal. Men are incapable of bearing children but women use both hemispheres of our brains. I am of the opinion we were given thus because of how hard it is to multitask as we so often have to.

Children must exist and men are often inherently more suited for physical labor and bruit strength. If a woman wants to work for it she can and will but this is innate ability. A woman has a high innate ability for compassion and understanding. While men can be such as well, I am once again not talking what people CAN be but how they generally start out-acceptations always apply.

Children need their mother to teach them compassion and bonding in that first stretch. many children end up not bonding with their families. As if it, feminism isn't better for the children. Women's rights yes, but people take it too far. just because you can do something doesn't mean you should or that someone else WANTS to. 

Often feminism forgets that it began with a choice and once fought for a choice. The women who do not choose what the feminism front wants of them are looked down on as defective BY those same feminists who go to bat for the rights of women. A right is the right to make a choice.

If femaleness continues down the road of suppression that it is of the softer dies of the female mentality and feelings in general it will become what it hates most and I hate to say it but... I am sick of seeing "boys vs girls" done in adult format. Women can do things men cannot(like give birth), so things need to adapt around that the same way you would adapt if a man needed such. This needs a different approach besides this forcefulness.

While women are equal these people need to remember we are in fact, still women. Our bodies produce hormones and have changes so the human race can continue so that needs to be adjusted to-fact of the matter is, men don't and can't do that. Now, this also needs to be adjusted because equality will never be had if you are teaching little girls that they need to have their own "language" when speaking to men and are above the boys. No, equality goes both ways. I have two little boys and grew up with a grandfather who was a doormat to his wife. I do not like this mentality. I am not raising my sons to be little slaves or people who will have no say in anything when they come home or who will be easily manipulated. the list goes on.

Neither do I want my boys to become the "superior" or the abuser. I want them to be equal but to respect the difference but I also hope they find someone for them(separately of course-lol) who stands beside them and who they stand beside. Sometimes a woman needs to be a woman and be held and reassured and all that mushy gushy stuff and sometimes the man will be weak and need strength from her... my problem with feminism is the ill thought out "girls are better than boys" bit. Fight for the choice, but don't put down those who don't take it. further the goodness of he choice itself but when some choose not to and LIKE what they themselves do... stop trashing on the ones who choose that they like the way they are.

Their is a point where all it does is make more problems.


On another front. I was writing in my diary today, I made my calls... and I am sure the fact that I had to sit back and let myself cry between calls will be appalling.

I was making calls to find classes for dv for abuse victims. I found two.  One I have an intake in April and one you have to call that day(I will be doing that one first and I will be learning everything I can)-I assume it is because location is changed for the safety of the women going-I will not be saying where I am taking them or with who... especially not here. I will not be the tool for another to be harmed using such information.

If anyone needs such they can call the national abuse hotline(even if you already left and just want information on how to not repeat the past again)----------> 1-800-799-7233 <--- national abuse hotline    they will give you the information you need.

At first I was just a bit nervous and very ashamed(but I am used to that) that I was abused to begin with... now I am even more ashamed but that isn't their fault. I put up with some things growing up that seemed the lesser of what was happening to me. To this day, my brother is the only one in my family who advocates to even myself(yes-I have times I break down, cry, and doubt myself because I have heard it too many times) that I am not crazy. My little sister doesn't know(presumably) of my struggle. She should be about 16 right now. I hope she avoids abuse in her future. I do not know where she is or how she is doing, I wish I did.

The lesser... I found out by a simple survey. every time I had to reschedule because he didn't want me to go(even to the extent he would speak against me going to counseling-about the only service I advocate has ever helped me), every time he called me crazy or did things to make me feel like I was, every time he called me such or insinuated I was nuts, each and every SINGLE time he did everything on that survey... although I knew it was wrong and wanted it to stop... he refused. I didn't realize HOW bad it was. I heard the ladies voice... I swear that was pity. That made it worse. It made it worse. this lady deals with abuse victims every day and had been hardened before... to hear her pity just made me realize it is that much worse in what he did.

I wonder what else I didn't notice was so bad. I know abuse better than many and have learned many things all on my own... but I suppose that makes it worse. I have been trying to learn how to avoid abuse even before my husband and I were anything but friends... I decided to the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest who is now a two year old beautiful boy. I didn't care how he was conceived, I wanted better for him than I had. Funny how that only grew in intensity with having two boys but it is equally important in some weird way. feelings are so weird to explain, basically one child or two I wish they not go through what i did. I have been trying to find specific information since may of last year... even searched a couple times before that while he was gone and the kids were napping. Now I have been told I need to do this... but I wasn't told HOW-which would have been welcome information. I didn't speak of it because I was ashamed. I am still ashamed.

I know what abuse is... but their are things I do not know about it and how to avoid it. I learned what I have from my own research. At one point I was too ashamed to call any hotline and had the number. I lost it before I got my nerve. I had no idea they could help me learn how to avoid it... I found that out on accident.

I feel very small and I have not told a friend of mine(who I was talking to a few minutes ago via yahoo IM messenger) that I have been crying.
My thoughts?

"What kind of mother am I?" "What was I teaching them?" "I am a bad mom! I was teaching them exactly what I was trying to teach the opposite of!"

Run along that train of thought and you have what mine is now. I will cry, hug my moms old bear... probably be cuddled by the cats... and allow myself an hour or so to deal with these whirling emotions. These thoughts and feelings are normal. This is one of those "I wish my mom and dad were here right now" moments... I wish my brother and sister and others I cared for were here too... but I don't want them to see me cry either.

I cry, deal, and live life moving on from it as best a I can. I lived through the things themselves. besides, these feelings are apart of me, to ignore them would be like ignoring myself and to dwell in them too long is to ignore the positive. The positive-Now I do know. NOW I can do something about it.

So I will cry, deal with the feelings of guilt, and such, then I will move on for my children. They deserve so much better just for being born and lighting up my world... becoming my universe.

I do not care what anyone says, my children are everything to me and if someone finds issue with that... they can kiss my ass. same goes for not liking my weakness. I do not care if I am ugly, worthless, or anything else in this world TO anyone else as long as I can be their mother and look into their sweet faces. no mater how dirty you feel inside(showers do not do much for the feeling that comes with that tainted feeling but it doesn't stop me from trying)... one look, one breath, one moment, one second... it all goes away when I am with my children. Nothing else matters. They are innocent and pure and they are my precious baby boys.

to me, that is what matters.


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