Thursday, January 12, 2012

people are odd

You would think after so long conscious of the internet I would realize how much it can do but like so many, I often don't.

Most people do not consider saving anything they get or using it sparingly, I do. So that, even after losing government assistance, I still am using a tiny bit I had left... apparently they just assume you still have it.

I never considered how many would know things form my Facebook posts and my blog. It is... an interesting conclusion but no less appalling when you realize just how many know of something but stand by and watch while doing nothing. story of my life I suppose.

I frequent a nearby circle k and the nearby fry's. while I had issues with individuals, I have never gone out of my way to make issues of it. That day I had my mute job hunt was horrible on so many levels but I found enough things to laugh at. then the next day I had to take the bus... I was on a time oriented schedule and to be honest... still in pain form my earlier issues cause by the day before. Now today, I am setting off to a doctors appointment... walking. I think I have established that I have no intention of stopping what I need to do over life's obstacles.

I need a job. I don't have a car. I don't even know how to drive... so I have to walk many places.

I am a hard worker, detailed, more than willing to work, I know how to keep my mouth shut and not complain, I am organized, I am clean, and in all honesty I am willing to do the work and not take that I have it for granted. I don't know spanish but am learning it, and am plenty happy to say my voice issue is improving and the damage most likely temporary. I am still appalled at what happened to me and I sincerely hope they do not repeat this travesty with anybody else.

I still can't get on Facebook and will soon probably just create a new one and keep it at that. having 2 was a pain in the ass anyway. If I could I would delete my old accounts but in all honesty, I don't think it will let me do that. I can't get in to them to do it either. go figure. Either way, I will keep an account for keeping in touch with friends and pretty much leave it at that. while I don't mind an app or two... they tend to be something you accumulate friends specifically for  and... that isn't something I want. I was purely a my-space fiend before my husband bullied me into Facebook so he could have another vampire wars friend, and in all honesty, while it was amusing enough I had even played it on MySpace... social networking on the internet is more trouble than it is worth when you add "just for the game" friends. I didn't even realize how many people could read things and... I suppose you could say it was a big jump from my tiny friends list on MySpace. I can't get into those either actually but I was on it so little I am not worried about it. To me, internet socializing only became important while my children were napping infants who needed lots but slept lots too. it was something to do while keeping awake, something to focus on when you were tired but needed to stay up.

I never realized how odd everything is on the internet.

People are odd.

In person they don't mention they saw you or have previously met you or seen your picture on the internet but... it is kinda odd for me. I was stalked and assaulted some years ago and have never knowingly placed my geographical information on the internet since then. I have mastered the "art" of "speak much, say little"... to a degree, I am still far too honest for my own damn good.

Anyway, I hope anyone reading this enjoys it and I am planning on doing another vid soon, this one specifically to be funny(or try to be), but will most likely end up being for the sheer hell of it entertainment. I know I am not funny, I just hope it makes somebody smile. Lifts a down and trod on heart... some thing like that... it is what I enjoy doing the most... well not the most. being a mom and making THEM smile will always triumph but... other than that yeah.

My name is my own, I go by "Luna", I watch zombie movies knowing it will scar the shit out of me and/or give me nightmares later, one of my favorite movies of all time is brave-heart, and due to a legend my father used to tell me about a girl on the moon, I have always enjoyed sailor moon, while I do not see anime characters as sexual I do enjoy drawing them with little-no clothing for entertainment value(basically, I can, it is amusing, and it is legal), I have two children who are my entire world, I am quirky, weird, and despite my ability to be open like this, often very private and closed off from people in general(not that they realize this most of the time). I have always rather be the prince who does the saving rather than the princess who gets saved... but I can see why with he eternal devotion of the princess as it is portrayed in fairy tales. I keep going even when it seems hopeless, and I am odd, even for my own religion. I have been through hell, enough of it that I am not afraid or surprised at a great many things others are. This last part makes it hilarious that although I have been through so much, I am still afraid of getting shots(though I still do it when required of me), and I still think all the "beauty" things women do are sadistic and intimidating both... yet I have been through far worse, so it is funny to me how these things still scar me. It will never cease to amaze me. Their was even a time I couldn't watch zombie movies because of my past. I have seen people die, but a needle scars the bejeebees outta me. I think that is funny. And yeah, my ideal night is a quiet night with nature or a book... or conversing with friends. I hate loud, crowded places but I hate silence more. I love music but think the sound of my children's voices is better than any music ever created.

Most importantly, I am me, and I am proud to be weird and myself. sometimes being yourself is tougher than being what others want you to be.

I think everyone shoudl just be themselves. I am much happier being me than I ever was not being such. And in all honesty, while I do enjoy communicating and singing, I hate the sound of my own voice anyway, so regardless of what happens, I will be happy with what I can say. I like sitting off to the side and not being talkative but everyone always asks me what is wrong when I do. I talk incessantly because of this promise I made to myself regarding my brother hating it when I was quiet... we were little kids and it was probably stupid, but even when I couldn't remember having a brother... it can be said "a promise made with your whole heart, is a promise your heart will never forget, even if you do". I am glad to know this. I made that promise with my heart... and even though my brother said I didn't have to talk so much anymore... I won't believe that really until we are face to face. I plan on reverting to the annoying and hyper elder sister just long enough to get my grease monkey of a brother covered in dirt from being tackled to the ground. I will probably chicken out at the last minute out of fear of hurting him. Plan B is pocky punishment. I am a naturally energetic person... so... on Pocky... lets just say it is worse... lots worse, oh yeah, and during pregnancy that gets even worse. My poor husband banned me form pocky... then he changed his mind and gave me some just so he could laugh. I must say though... the children got plenty of giggles out of it. no... I am wierd and happy with that.

As for the past... time is really all I need. Time, and a few girls nights in... and some days spent with family... and to get a job so I can provide for us... that is... all I need. My diary can be my dumpster for all my past... the future is what I live for. time will heal the wounds of old... and perhaps one day... I will be able to face the past as I do the future... but... what would be the point? I will leave the past in the past where it belongs and strive for my family and me to head into the future and live in the present. that... is how it should be.

People are odd not to realize this... people are people and much better just being themselves. no colors, or races, no rich or poor, just people being people.


PS: and yes, I am an unrepentant geeky nerd.

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