Friday, January 6, 2012

last nights vid

sorry, will be lots of skips and cuts due both to coughing and lack of ability to keep talking too long like I used to be able to. I am indeed trying. You know where to find the information. my last post.

Link here, sorry, paper work technicality.

Since obviously "voices" requires me to speak... and be good at it, i thought this would be just as much fun if not more.

and don't be surprised if old posts start disappearing. as I have a chance too look through them, I will be getting rid of them and transferring the records of them somewhere else.

I thank the person who told me how to get it off of Facebook... I hope it worked as I follow the law whenever I know it. I do not always know this. that is why while I look stuff up for a hobby and pray I find something applicable to life, lawyers go to school for this with more focused study. I just do this for a hobby.

I am just an art student and  mom. I am religious, spiritual and avoid harm whenever possible. Like any person I screw up or don't know something... oh well. You just have to get up and keep going... my kids are a prime example because even though I have tried to baby them and kiss boo boo's... seems they would rather be zooming around and doing anything else but drawing out the boo boo kissing... well accept recently with my oldest... hm.... but still he gets tired of it when he sees something he takes interest in. He is not even 2 years old, a little wah wah to mommy is fine. They are babies. they cry, you answer. end of story. as they get older they will get tired of it and find it boring and not interesting... if they don't I will always give them that kiss and then send them on their way as long as they want me to. they are my babies... and yes, sometimes when they don't want me to I will be their throughout their life. I am mom. I am not just for entertainment purposes while my children are small. I am not just their unit of care giving. I am mom. Does anything else ever really need to be said?

If anyone finds anything in my old posts that fits any law and needs to be removed please let me know. I would never intentionally break the law. It is not in the best interests of my family to do so. I have too much to go through at once... so I am doing it systematically. today however, I probably should be either in bed or getting ready for my doc appointment... and if an issue occurs, I will just go to urgent care.


I am not happy with the happenings of last night of the rude, presumptuous, and overbearing treatment of my case manager at southwest network. professional relationship or not, she barely met me. I have already recorded her in several lies... and for goodness sakes she hung UP on me after ordering me to "go back to sleep" WTF?! how would SHE even know WHAT I was doing in the first place to order me TO do it?! I have... more than one missed call from her on my phone, why? because she calls too often. I am sick. I can barely talk. It hurts to talk when I do. If her idea of help is coddling me and cooing over me like some deranged aunt  with a cute cheek complex than she needs to go away. I am having trouble TALKING! A phone call is not the answer to my issues. I am lucky I took ASL in high school. I am pretty good but nowhere near awesome with it. My eyes are crappy so you have to go slow for me to understand. my hands stutter. and overall I really took it for the body language as I was not proficient in it. I also studied various other topics regarding such social interactions during an earlier time... why? because I wasn't allowed to have those interactions and was curious. unfortunately books can only take you so far. hence why I took ASL.

I know enough to communicate though and they denied me any form of interpreter or even a TTY on the grounds that if I couldn't talk, I didn't need to communicate that bad. The problem is physical and happened while they had me tucked away in that corner. I was not hooked up to anything(they hadn't hooked me up to anything accept this things that left indents in my finger that I know now measures oxygen levels) so they wouldn't have known... even when I managed to press the button for help nobody came.

I was told I was their for 2 days.... it was day 2 however... more like 1 to 2 1/2 days... somewhere in their. I really have no desire to figure it out as I would rather leave it behind me... as soon as it stops coming back to haunt me....  like in my case managers treatment of me. Now I have to ask for a new one. great. why? She lied in our first ever phone call and now this. I think she needs to be usurped form her post anywhere near me.  I can't stand her type. overbearing and ignorant to anything beyond her own nose and how high it is in the air regarding anyone with a diagnosis. I just endured hell because of people like that. I am staying the hell away from her and I want her off my case, now. If i have to go down their after my shower and make sure that is done, I will. If my life remains from me, it will not be by any fault of my own.

an added question... when I was in the hospital and I came back... their were changes in my apartment I would not have made. the fan in my bedroom was off, a blanket that had fallen to the floor wasn't their.... I don't think anything is missing... but I don't like people coming into my home without me here... especially without my permission. I have already caught my apartment manager once... *sigh*... hope nothing is missing this time.

Anyway, I need to go clean up my living room floor. after all that crap i gave myself some leeway. Now... their total lack of wiping their feet before they com in is bugging me. I had just vacuumed the day before or so.... my floor needs to be clean... otherwise it could make present issues with stuff worse and that isn't good or sanitary. So... yeah. doesn't look like I will be reading tarot anymore, at least for now. I am not sure if I ever will be able to again over the phone. I will just have to get creative.... now creative I can do.

I want to be left alone until I can at least get my medical crap in order.

I have court around next week, I need my space. I am stressed, sick, and dealing with the horrible crap that hospital put me through.

The less I talk the louder I can manage... but that still I have to yell to be heard. it is frustrating.

I have tried to sing... I managed a whisper for awhile.... that was it. I want to sing, my kids love it when I sing.


PS: one may also notice that I have edited posts to disclude things, do not become alarmed. I just didn't have the heart to delete everything. I like blogging. it was easier to take it out. I also added some tidbits that I realized hadn't made it in before. In the future I will read my own posts.

If anyone sees something I missed, on any site, please let me know. the only site I can't is the one with the petition and that is because I can't get into it. I am trying and will keep tying. I also may seem to have strange wording in some places... why? Because I am trying to learn to talk around things... I have plenty of examples... -__-

PS: 2 ------ I also removed many of my videos temporarily just in case. when I have time to watch them and discern what is in them I will. I was unable to take stuff off before my hospital trip and will keep removing them as I will. As stated. My family is everything to me.

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