Monday, December 26, 2011


sorry, sick and doing school work. my instructor finally called me and explained what I needed to know to continue on, I am doing some work ahead and will be expecting to be done most of my classwork for the weeks ahead soon. as long as the things I wonder(no matter how stupid the question) is answered... I can excel, although I have been considering the drawbacks on my learning in an online setting. at this point, the things that are in my life as of now, make anything else impossible. I lack transportation to any far off place, I am working on my physical issues... I am sick right now on top of it... and with everything going on... I will still do this.

I also am trying to find scholarships and figure out some way to afford a lap top that can handle all this crap. if I can figure out finance and this all settles down(because as of current my life is going to be the death of me with all the stress and loss I have gone through too recently on top of the current crap, and lets not forget death anniversaries are this month! 2 of them......... when it rains it pours), I consider that my admissions counselor may have been correct when he told me I should have taken the animation tract. the thing is... that would be selfish. I really want to be a forensic artist. game art design(characters), is what I want as my fall back. helping to create the story-lines would be fun too but... in my eyes... it is one thing to bring a smile to a face, another to bring peace to a hurting heart. I want to help find missing children and give faces to people who are gone... because never knowing for sure and having never been to my fathers grave... or having a grave for my unborn children who never made it(1 I lost years ago in December) because not knowing if my sister is OK or not... I know how it feels. I was used as bait for a family member to hurt people(you do not want to know what this entailed trust me). bringing peace to peoples hearts who have lost so much... is the least I can do. regardless of my reasons.

the following are things I have found myself saying a lot lately... but I have always thought them, now... these secret thoughts of old... are all that keeps me sane and my mind in tact.

I can because I will. I will because I must, and I must for my hearts own peace. people are people.

failure is not an option, only a fear,


PS: being sick is crap! an allergic reaction made it worse.....-__-... when it rains it pours

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