Saturday, December 31, 2011

4chan, paranormal, paranormal area.

I was making a video on it. more specifically what is in it. With all due respect, while I believe some are crazy, I do not think all are. In fact, most are driven crazy BY it. Many Ouija board stories with years of after effects exist. this is a direct result of NOT closing said doorway. in Wicca it is called "closing the circle", not blessing it... many things. I was reading up on it and saw one in particular. the girl had been young and used her hands as part of the Ouija board. others have stories that sound like they just didn't shut that door. It is very much a door.

I am Wicca, second degree, and to be honest, I have a habit of being open and ending up pissing people off. The old story tellers who took the oath to pass to blood and keep the stories made a mistake. "till they are ready", idiots. They are less ready today because of it. So, Christians hate me cuz I am wiccan(accept a few who rise above this weird hate thing that spurs people to do horrible things), and most wiccan's avoid me cuz I am too open... Though I have met a couple who just... I suppose our paths just didn't have any more to cross as of then. *shrugs* sometimes life just works that way.

In high school I was forced by perception and medication to do things I didn't want to do religiously. My question I always wanted to ask... "What good is church in life if my heart has already decided I am going to hell in death anyway?" It should be noted I do not believe in hell. My childhood was twisted by hate of others and warped by the true meaning of the all seeing eye. I have looked into someones eyes as they died, cried out for them to come back... I was 3. No, I didn't kill them. Someone else did. The all seeing eye represents openness, all seeing, to open your mind, to allow it... in truth it cannot be explained and done any form of justice in words. I am not saying to go out and experience it. in fact, don't. It is not normal to have known this and still be alive.

I am wiccan, a 2nd degree, a witch(though I prefer priestess, witch is a general term created by other religions, much like devil and angel, their was a time we just existed like anyone else), and a solitaire.

To many, I am a walking contradiction. I am a pacifist but I love martial arts because they remind me of my parents and promote balance and peace with oneself and your surroundings. I will not kill or hurt but I will not hesitate to defend my family if the need arises.  I am weak but have been called strong. I am not attractive but have been called otherwise. I am not wise, but I have been called so... even as a child. I was never a child but I enjoy some childish things like dancing in the rain, actually hugging a tree, and what type of prank to pull on my brother next time I see him(nothing harmful of course). I am sworn to not indulge in physical sexual acts with another(you can thank my husband for that vow, if it bothers you, for me... I wouldn't have made my vow if it bothered me, and I made it because of what he did) but I enjoy cracking the jokes(more often than not my face turns red) and have had to consider "phone sex operator" as a job due to financial hardship, and despite my vow of harm none... I have been guilty of murdering a few bugs... if it helps, I do in fact feel guilty... oh and I killed a few flowers growing up... and clovers... uh... like I said, walking contradiction.

I have a safety net in case I should choose later to change my vow... but that "safety" is not going to come to pass for years. It isn't even really a change... just something I put in with an understanding that life changes your path and an unyielding vow wouldn't be proper for such a thing.

I went on 4chan in the paranormal type area. quite interesting. some I am thinking "they are nuts", I must admit... and after I accidentally posted to the wrong thread for that one... I do not blame them if they think so about me. hehehe. Specifically... I know how I come off to people and to be honest, I don't care. I do but I also don't. I must care how they react but... if someone has an issue with me, they should keep it, cuz I don't want it. ^^

Anyway, stories like that one girl on4chan who grew up a little too close to the paranormal are why my kids are to be kept away form religion until they are old enough to decide. my own dreams where I have bruises in my sleep are proof enough of that. some things are not meant to be explained. strange things happen.I am not inclined to explain them however, it cannot be doubted that belief in something makes it real to you despite what others think. I am fortunate my path of religion includes these things.

Their are some things that take great trust... it greatly saddens me. I was stupid enough to marry someone who I could not hold the sacred rite of "perfect love and perfect trust" with... that is my shame and therefore... my reasoning for why it is my fault. I did not make him do his actions. He did. his actions are his own and mine are my own. Religiously, he broke every vow that binds the sacred rite of marriage.

I have always stated. "I do not believe in divorce" and I don't. I believe in something different, but I suppose on a legal stand point it would be the same.

In the past I clashed with one in particular... someone who claimed to Wicca. I can neither confirm or deny they were, however... I CAN confirm they doctored emails to post on their own blog. I still have them too. I am merely saying this to warn off any trouble from him. why? Because their is only so much drama one can tolerate and he was more full of bullshit that a bull that just ate half a field of flowers! His little protege who decided to stalk me later was no better. then you have this odd one on Facebook misleading those new to the craft, but doing so apparently away form the eyes of those who "know" them. .... ignorance.... I don't like it.

with all due respect... these are reason I call my own path naive. those in it I mean. I am not saying that is bad but... *sigh*... I grew up knowing death existed, knew, had seen someone I loved dearly die. even when my children were home I checked on them often... because even though logically I knew they were fine... I also logically knew(and still do know) that that can change in an instant. So, I saw horrible things and grew up too fast. This should be considered normal for those who grow up before their time. To me, it is everyone else who has catching up to do in that area... well normal people who have never seen anything like that. I am OK with them being naive so they need to grow up enough to handle me. So I went through hell. Oh well. It is in the past. Get over it. Move on, grow up, and stop making YOUR lack of maturity MY issue.

My father was so full of life. One moment their and the next moment... not. but his body was. it messes with you that is for sure. I am simply glad I did not take a different path. better people than me... took a path of death and despair for others.

I choose to be odd, I choose to be me, and.. sometimes... that is really all you have. I like being me. I have no desire to do anything to change that except better myself for my family. otherwise, I am staying ME! To ask me anything else would not only be against my path(religion) but also my rights as a human being.

They have my world in their hands. I can honestly say, I do not know how much longer I can stand but I am used to standing alone. As a child, as an adult. I know. "Failure to thrive" is not limited to babies or children and survival is possible. I know, even if no-one else does and for me... that is enough to know why I should hug and hold my children and make sure they have plenty of contact and interaction and... everything they need. without love, babies die... but what if... "just enough" to survive was not just enough to thrive? That is how I know the damage that can be done.

In the past my thriving children meant, at least, I was not as my mother was... oblivious to their little one troubles. I survived. that was it. and no matter how many people I have tried to explain the details of this to... they are too quick to label things within perception. then they get pissed off when it turns out not to be.


I put in my request to transfer at work. I enjoy working period so hopefully I can use that. I am far too honest. *sigh* well, I am going to go wait for my next psychic reading call... cards ready, meditating... time to go assume meditative position.

Then tonight it is more schoolwork... and I am thinking perhaps a call to my doctor. when you sneeze, your chest shouldn't feel as mine does now... I know what is wrong, I am simply condemned to wait for someone holding a piece of paper to notice as if you tell them it pisses on their pride. if you piss on their pride, then they piss on you, however please keep in mind this isn't literal. if I don't say it, somebody will assume... and I am tired of people making their assumptions my problem.

I just want things to be as they should be, my family home.


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